I don't know where to begin. I can't make this long, but I realized not long ago how I need to take control of things. I started to and it began to unfold. What you ask? My personality, my spirit, my fucking self for once.
I looked in the mirror and told myself I earned everything. I did everything. I do thank my friends, but without motivation and the will to want to change, I would be a fat fuck still. I would be worse then that actually.
I stopped praying 5 days ago, because I have been so angry. Many people do not know I pray for them. Gina, your nephew, Shane for a true love, my cousin to stop his drug problem, everyone I know and myself to find love. I feel I shouldn't be praying for love though. It's like I am trying to force something that I can attain naturally. Just by being with someone I have feelings for and being me.
Fuck everyone else that doesn't support what I have been doing. This is my life, as short as it may be, it's mine.
EDITED 11/23/2009 for clarification.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Um, some time passes and BAM!!!!
It's actually not a bad BAM!!!! School is going pretty good. I have a brand new 2009 Kia Rio5. Gym is great and my diet kicks ass. I am getting in better shape by the day and I am super psyched about it. Work is what it is. It's there and I am glad to have a job. Let me get to the good stuff though instead of this boring usual matter.
Maybe I should wait. Every time I have news about a girl. I feel like I ruin it for myself if I talk about it. I met her online. I have a date with her on Wednesday. I have been talking to her on the phone for hours. Getting to know her better. Ever have such a good feeling about someone? This is way better then the feeling before. It's not creepy like the last one. It was a shot at someone I thought would not talk to me. Sent her a message and we talked for a week. Found out we have so much in common. I am borderline scared now though. I haven't been so afraid in such a long time. I know what I have to do and that is be myself. Like I said, I am afraid she will not like me for who I am. I don't want to try to be someone I am not. So far she seems to dig me but better then the one before. I.....am......so.....scared.
I think that if I think positive, that I will have a positive outcome. I mentioned a quote from a Pearl Jam song, called "The Fixer." "....if something is gone, I want to fight to get it back again." By this I mean my full fledged personality. My attitude towards things and my new outlook. I have this feeling, it's going to sound really corny. We were put on earth to be with a woman/man. Do you really think it was done by coincidence? There is a purpose.
I just hope this isn't a fly by night like the other one. I have a way better feeling about this one. We talk about the dumbest things, talk about serious things like her work which is kind of serious deal. We sometimes have silence, but I don't mind. I better not fuck this up. There is nothing I want more then to be with somebody. Now that I see that this girl is so similar that I think I hit the jackpot. I will see if it's true on Wednesday. Whoever reads this, please pray for me. I never wanted something so badly before until now.
Maybe I should wait. Every time I have news about a girl. I feel like I ruin it for myself if I talk about it. I met her online. I have a date with her on Wednesday. I have been talking to her on the phone for hours. Getting to know her better. Ever have such a good feeling about someone? This is way better then the feeling before. It's not creepy like the last one. It was a shot at someone I thought would not talk to me. Sent her a message and we talked for a week. Found out we have so much in common. I am borderline scared now though. I haven't been so afraid in such a long time. I know what I have to do and that is be myself. Like I said, I am afraid she will not like me for who I am. I don't want to try to be someone I am not. So far she seems to dig me but better then the one before. I.....am......so.....scared.
I think that if I think positive, that I will have a positive outcome. I mentioned a quote from a Pearl Jam song, called "The Fixer." "....if something is gone, I want to fight to get it back again." By this I mean my full fledged personality. My attitude towards things and my new outlook. I have this feeling, it's going to sound really corny. We were put on earth to be with a woman/man. Do you really think it was done by coincidence? There is a purpose.
I just hope this isn't a fly by night like the other one. I have a way better feeling about this one. We talk about the dumbest things, talk about serious things like her work which is kind of serious deal. We sometimes have silence, but I don't mind. I better not fuck this up. There is nothing I want more then to be with somebody. Now that I see that this girl is so similar that I think I hit the jackpot. I will see if it's true on Wednesday. Whoever reads this, please pray for me. I never wanted something so badly before until now.
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