It's Wednesday night and it's late. I have to go to work tomorrow I am not tired. I had thoughts on my brain and as usual, I can't keep my mouth shut.
For the life of me, for the 30 years I have been put on this earth, can't figure out a woman's agenda. It frustrates me to no end. Only due to the fact that I am still single and looking for someone who can put a smile on my face. I thought this wasn't going to be too hard of a task. Holy shit my friends, I found out that with all the relationships I had, it's still a difficult task. By a show of hands, who wants to be single the rest of their life? I didn't think so. There is a reason, well I think, to my insanity.
Ever go to eHarmony.com or match.com? Take the time one day and just read the profiles. Read the description then read about what their looking for in a guy descriptively. It's a contradiction of what someone truly desires compared to what they dream of. I am not even bringing appearance or weight into it. Do people really think the person of their dreams needs to make 75,000 or more. Don't get me wrong, it's nice, but not necessary. Religion, as in, I only want to date a Jewish person. My best friend and his wife, one is Methodist and the other is Jewish respectively. If people find out how in love they were they would realize the merit isn't in the religion, the income, how tall, what color hair and other nonsense they put into a profile. It's in the person, it's not defined by those characterisitcs. We all have a preference, there is nothing wrong with that. Specifics is a little overboard yeah? I don't care if the person I will be with the rest of my life makes a million dollars, has blonde hair, blue eyes, petite frame, yadda yadda. I prefer Dark hair, but do I care, no. I could care less about eye color. I really don't want petite either as a lot of those girls I have met fit the usual stereotype and I am not going into it. People can lose weight, make better income, dye their hair (for there own reasons), shit, now a days you can even change your eye color. It drives me nuts.
How come every girl I am interested in is not and every girl interested in me, I am not? Tell me it doesn't drive you to the point of banging your head against the wall till some sense in your brains dribbles out. I lost a lot of weight, inches off my waist, gained a lot of muscle (in my opinion anyway, compared to before, I am doing good). I am getting a lot of attention which is great, it helps me continue my journey of living a healthier life. I am thankful for that. That attention still doesn't feed off the starvation for that person who can make your day the best ever by just a phone call, shit, even a text message now a days.
I met a girl on Saturday who I believe was someone I connected with. I had a great time, felt close, and everything. Did I do anything? Of course not, this perosn lives in California. They use to live here and moved out. It's a friend of my best friend's cousin. I never said anything to anybody because I hate expressing myself sometimes and hearing the criticism about it. This person in my eyes, was pretty, blonde hair, petite frame, I forget the eye color, but her personality overall was a knock out. If I ever meet anyone, I would hope there personality is up to par. You don't meet many people who is as outgoing as you are. Oh, the joys of living.
Most of my friends are married, in a relationship and amazingly enough ALL of their friends are too. It just seems to be getting ever so difficult. Do you think out of everyone I know ALL of their friends are in relationships? Do you feel that maybe your friends don't think your good enough for any of their friends? This I don't know, but gave up on bothering anyone. I use to know people who siad, " I know this girl that you might be interested in." It is amazing how life changes and I don't blame anyone, but time honestly. Change comes quicker then you think.
Being 30 hasn't helped either. It's why I decided to go back to school to better myself for my own reasons and it's not just for money. Hit the gym a lot. I haven't missed a day they have been open since I joined. Only day I missed is Thanksgiving because they were closed. I been going so much people who work there know my name and people who work out there see the change and all say hi to me. I did this for my health. Also, so I can't be so hypocritical about meeting the person I want to meet. How can I want someone who takes care of themselves when I didn't before. I am glad I changed it finally. I can't believe it took a cruise to Bermuda to figure it out.
I do think things will change for me and I will get all the things I am working for. I am positive about ALL of it. Just nervous and afraid of what the future holds. All this bullshit you read, if you did, is just my frustration of being single and how I am trying to improve it. For myself and for whoever I meet.
What I wouldn't do to meet that person I want to be with.*
*Nothing illegal or sacrificing another person for of course. I'm not that selfish :-p
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