Monday, June 7, 2010
I dont know
Life is crazy. Life is chance. Life is unexpected. Life is without a doubt more frustrating than anything ever imaginable. Life is life. I don't update because who really gives a shit. People who I claim to be friends, don't talk to me. I have people on my phone number who I never even called. I think I need a social reboot.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Update
Things have been getting better for all aspects. I will start with school.
School is getting better. I am learning to become more focused when doing my school work and going over many problems in the book. It seems to be working as I took a Discrete Mathematics test and feel I did really well. I studied for over 5 hours and did all the practice problems. Calculus is till a bit harder than I anticipated. I am doing derivatives with respect y and x. I will do what I did for the Discrete math test and go over ALL the practice the problems. I will pass my next Calculus test with a 90 or above. I take my first Chemistry test on Tuesday. I am a bit nervous, but feel I can overcome it by sticking with what is working. I am going to read a little bit of it soon and study it hard tomorrow. I know some of it already, so I should do fine. My online class is just weird. I have been slacking and need to read seven chapters by 3/16/10 and take a mid term test. I think I will take next weekend and take of this in almost one sitting. It may take hours, but at least I will have it done and will pass.
The gym and my diet is still phenomenal. I weigh in at 199 pounds on my last official nurse weigh in. My chest got one and a quarter inches bigger in size and strength. My waist dropped another inch and my abs are coming in more. I am getting stronger and once the end of April hits I am going on what they call a cutting diet. I am going to get my body fat down to under 10% for the summer. This way when I hit the beach and have off during the summer I am going to enjoy it. I am going to do it for me.
Women have been just weird for me. I have been trying so hard that it has become a drain on me. I don't think I even want to be in one anymore. I want to stop trying so badly. I deleted my accounts off of both the online sites I was on. I even deleted them off the pat websites. This will help me focus more on things in my life rather than pressuring myself to meet someone. I think I am taking a huge step finally in the process of meeting someone. Next is to stop thinking about if I am going to meet someone when I go out and think more of I am just out to have a good time. This puts pressure off of me and lets me relax and just enjoy myself. I did go out on two dates. One this past weekend and the one before it. Two separate women which was an interesting thing. One ended up being cool, but just not for me. She is an atheist and I didn't think it would bother me, but it finally did. The other one is great so far. She is weary of men in general and I am just proving her wrong bit by bit which rocks for me. I will explain more when I get time. I got studying to do :P.
School is getting better. I am learning to become more focused when doing my school work and going over many problems in the book. It seems to be working as I took a Discrete Mathematics test and feel I did really well. I studied for over 5 hours and did all the practice problems. Calculus is till a bit harder than I anticipated. I am doing derivatives with respect y and x. I will do what I did for the Discrete math test and go over ALL the practice the problems. I will pass my next Calculus test with a 90 or above. I take my first Chemistry test on Tuesday. I am a bit nervous, but feel I can overcome it by sticking with what is working. I am going to read a little bit of it soon and study it hard tomorrow. I know some of it already, so I should do fine. My online class is just weird. I have been slacking and need to read seven chapters by 3/16/10 and take a mid term test. I think I will take next weekend and take of this in almost one sitting. It may take hours, but at least I will have it done and will pass.
The gym and my diet is still phenomenal. I weigh in at 199 pounds on my last official nurse weigh in. My chest got one and a quarter inches bigger in size and strength. My waist dropped another inch and my abs are coming in more. I am getting stronger and once the end of April hits I am going on what they call a cutting diet. I am going to get my body fat down to under 10% for the summer. This way when I hit the beach and have off during the summer I am going to enjoy it. I am going to do it for me.
Women have been just weird for me. I have been trying so hard that it has become a drain on me. I don't think I even want to be in one anymore. I want to stop trying so badly. I deleted my accounts off of both the online sites I was on. I even deleted them off the pat websites. This will help me focus more on things in my life rather than pressuring myself to meet someone. I think I am taking a huge step finally in the process of meeting someone. Next is to stop thinking about if I am going to meet someone when I go out and think more of I am just out to have a good time. This puts pressure off of me and lets me relax and just enjoy myself. I did go out on two dates. One this past weekend and the one before it. Two separate women which was an interesting thing. One ended up being cool, but just not for me. She is an atheist and I didn't think it would bother me, but it finally did. The other one is great so far. She is weary of men in general and I am just proving her wrong bit by bit which rocks for me. I will explain more when I get time. I got studying to do :P.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Just an update as usual
My tax return ended up being double than what I thought which is HUGE! I am able to pay two months of rent and car. I bought a ton of food, got some bodybuilding stuff which is part of food, and will survive until I can reapply for unemployment. I can reapply tomorrow actually which is a good thing.
School is going kind of meh. I got 62 on my Calculus test. I didn't realize how bad I did. I thought I knew enough to get an 80 or above. I don't see it until tomorrow and I emailed my teacher for the grade. Good thing is she drops the lowest test score. I just didn't want this to be my lowest. I wanted something to fall back on. I am still going to strive for that A and make sure that this doesn't happen again. Discrete Mathematics is good, but I am extremely nervous about the test. There is so much to memorize and I have a great memory but even my capacity is limited. Hopefully I am being overly anxious and it will not be as bad as I am thinking. Chemistry is good so far. I did two labs which were kind of fun and I got a great lab partner. I am getting my work done right and done early with her. I have an online class, Health and Wellness. I am doing good in that since it's just reading and posting my opinions about health. It works out for me since I am so health conscious now and have done research on a lot of it already. I need to study Discrete Math though and make sure if I have any questions to ASK, especially on Calculus.
The gym and diet are just phenomenal. I weigh 196 pounds. I am at least 3x stronger than I was when I started. I finally have stomach muscles which I posted on facebook. I think that I am going to take weight gainer. A kid at work did the same thing and at the time I thought how stupid. I realize now that weight gainer adds muscle and not fat. You get down to the weight you want and pack on more muscle by taking weight gainer with your regular eating habits. I probably shouldn't even call what I do a diet. It's my regular eating habits as I mentioned above. I hope to continue down this path and keep my eye focused on getting shredded as they put it lol :P.
As for the girl, well, we are still talking. I still have feelings of inadequacy but it's no where near as bad as it was. I think once I get at least my Associate's Degree I will have partially defeated part of that demon. Then I can try for at least a better job and have a sense of accomplishment. I am starting to like this girl and just by talking to her. The best part is that we been talking for a long time now just as friends. I think she likes me too, but is scared of getting hurt. I am the same way. Funny thing is she doesn't believe me when I say I am a nice guy. I am a nice guy who does have a lot to offer a woman. After two more years when I am done school I will have a lot more to offer and bring to the table. I would rather start building a relationship now so when I am done school and start that good career I can think about marriage :P.
Good thing is I got plans, the bad thing is, well, I hate waiting lol. I don't want to wish my life away. I have to enjoy the moment I am in. I don't dwell on the past and I don't think about the future too much because I have plans. Even if sometimes those plans are skewed a bit, there is a main goal to achieve. I will post good or better news when I post again :).
School is going kind of meh. I got 62 on my Calculus test. I didn't realize how bad I did. I thought I knew enough to get an 80 or above. I don't see it until tomorrow and I emailed my teacher for the grade. Good thing is she drops the lowest test score. I just didn't want this to be my lowest. I wanted something to fall back on. I am still going to strive for that A and make sure that this doesn't happen again. Discrete Mathematics is good, but I am extremely nervous about the test. There is so much to memorize and I have a great memory but even my capacity is limited. Hopefully I am being overly anxious and it will not be as bad as I am thinking. Chemistry is good so far. I did two labs which were kind of fun and I got a great lab partner. I am getting my work done right and done early with her. I have an online class, Health and Wellness. I am doing good in that since it's just reading and posting my opinions about health. It works out for me since I am so health conscious now and have done research on a lot of it already. I need to study Discrete Math though and make sure if I have any questions to ASK, especially on Calculus.
The gym and diet are just phenomenal. I weigh 196 pounds. I am at least 3x stronger than I was when I started. I finally have stomach muscles which I posted on facebook. I think that I am going to take weight gainer. A kid at work did the same thing and at the time I thought how stupid. I realize now that weight gainer adds muscle and not fat. You get down to the weight you want and pack on more muscle by taking weight gainer with your regular eating habits. I probably shouldn't even call what I do a diet. It's my regular eating habits as I mentioned above. I hope to continue down this path and keep my eye focused on getting shredded as they put it lol :P.
As for the girl, well, we are still talking. I still have feelings of inadequacy but it's no where near as bad as it was. I think once I get at least my Associate's Degree I will have partially defeated part of that demon. Then I can try for at least a better job and have a sense of accomplishment. I am starting to like this girl and just by talking to her. The best part is that we been talking for a long time now just as friends. I think she likes me too, but is scared of getting hurt. I am the same way. Funny thing is she doesn't believe me when I say I am a nice guy. I am a nice guy who does have a lot to offer a woman. After two more years when I am done school I will have a lot more to offer and bring to the table. I would rather start building a relationship now so when I am done school and start that good career I can think about marriage :P.
Good thing is I got plans, the bad thing is, well, I hate waiting lol. I don't want to wish my life away. I have to enjoy the moment I am in. I don't dwell on the past and I don't think about the future too much because I have plans. Even if sometimes those plans are skewed a bit, there is a main goal to achieve. I will post good or better news when I post again :).
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Nothing Special
Still waiting on unemployment. I don't know what is going to happen. This fighting sucks and I regret doing what I did and not having a job. I would rather be working, but the change was definitely needed. I am surprised my old job paid out my PTO and gave me enough to pay my rent for the month so I don't have to worry about that and I should have my tax return by the end of the month. I will be good on my major bills for a bit. If I get unemployment for a bit I will be very good. If not, well, I better get something, FAST, lol.
I did my first therapy session last Wednesday. It was interesting. I don't know how I feel about it. I have to wait until they present my case and they decide if or who will help me. I will definitely go again though.
School is ok. Discrete Mathematics is harder than I thought. I am having trouble because what the teacher goes over and what is in the book sometimes don't jive. I mean the teaching techniques are different. I hope I can get this by the first test. I haven't done the homework completely. When I try I get stuck on the simple ones. I need to keep practicing it. I will update on how that is later on.
Gym is great. Nothing has changed. I fluctuate between 202 and 204. I am happy with that. I hope to be 190 by the summer. I think I will stop at 180 pounds. I should be physically content with size and body mass. Just keep on eating and lifting and see where it takes me :).
Only thing I am worried about is food. I am running severely low. I can't afford to buy bread. I do have rice and canned goods I am eating for now and my vitamins. I hope this sorts itself out so I can sustain my appetite which isn't huge. Last thing I want to do is ask someone for help or food. It's going to be a huge hit on my pride. If I don't get unemployment most of my tax return will go to pay two months each of rent and my car. I need those two things in my life. I hope to post very good news next time :).
I did my first therapy session last Wednesday. It was interesting. I don't know how I feel about it. I have to wait until they present my case and they decide if or who will help me. I will definitely go again though.
School is ok. Discrete Mathematics is harder than I thought. I am having trouble because what the teacher goes over and what is in the book sometimes don't jive. I mean the teaching techniques are different. I hope I can get this by the first test. I haven't done the homework completely. When I try I get stuck on the simple ones. I need to keep practicing it. I will update on how that is later on.
Gym is great. Nothing has changed. I fluctuate between 202 and 204. I am happy with that. I hope to be 190 by the summer. I think I will stop at 180 pounds. I should be physically content with size and body mass. Just keep on eating and lifting and see where it takes me :).
Only thing I am worried about is food. I am running severely low. I can't afford to buy bread. I do have rice and canned goods I am eating for now and my vitamins. I hope this sorts itself out so I can sustain my appetite which isn't huge. Last thing I want to do is ask someone for help or food. It's going to be a huge hit on my pride. If I don't get unemployment most of my tax return will go to pay two months each of rent and my car. I need those two things in my life. I hope to post very good news next time :).
Friday, January 22, 2010
Well
School is good. I love Discrete Mathematics as it deals with a lot of logic. I like logic :P. Calculus us a tad different, but I better get use to it as I got two more semesters of it. I need to do my homework sometime soon. It's not much, but I need to stay on top of it since it's no where near as bad as last semester.
I find out whether I get unemployment tomorrow. I am nervous as my living situation depends on it. I will update tomorrow with the results.
The gym still rocks and I keep on getting better and better. I met this girl today at the gym. Well, I didn't meet her today, but I actually talked to her today. I ended up talking to her for an hour and a half while at the gym and getting her phone number as I left. Then she actually text me 30 some odd minutes later which surprised me. I asked if she ever wanted to go out and she said yes. Only problem is the little paragraph I wrote above. I need a job, a real one and I am going to go man hunting for a job tomorrow. I said man hunting because it sounds more GRRRR BABY!!!!
I find out whether I get unemployment tomorrow. I am nervous as my living situation depends on it. I will update tomorrow with the results.
The gym still rocks and I keep on getting better and better. I met this girl today at the gym. Well, I didn't meet her today, but I actually talked to her today. I ended up talking to her for an hour and a half while at the gym and getting her phone number as I left. Then she actually text me 30 some odd minutes later which surprised me. I asked if she ever wanted to go out and she said yes. Only problem is the little paragraph I wrote above. I need a job, a real one and I am going to go man hunting for a job tomorrow. I said man hunting because it sounds more GRRRR BABY!!!!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Even when you are down
...you don't ever give up. EVER!!
I saw the nurse today at the gym. I weigh 204 pounds. My bodyfat is at 13.1%. I honestly am in awe. I can't believe I am doing everything I planned on. I just wish I could smile more. Damn teeth and damn smoking for those 10 years lol. I start school tomorrow and I am excited for some reason. I enjoy going to school and learning. Which reminds me, I better go to bed.
People can change. It can take some time, it can be instant. We need a good support group. We need each other.
I saw the nurse today at the gym. I weigh 204 pounds. My bodyfat is at 13.1%. I honestly am in awe. I can't believe I am doing everything I planned on. I just wish I could smile more. Damn teeth and damn smoking for those 10 years lol. I start school tomorrow and I am excited for some reason. I enjoy going to school and learning. Which reminds me, I better go to bed.
People can change. It can take some time, it can be instant. We need a good support group. We need each other.
Mini Update
School starts Wednesday and not Monday. I should read my class schedule a bit better lol.
That date I went on was meh. I haven't spoken to her because she hasn't written me either, but I could tell that shew wasn't interested either which is a relief. I do have one new lead with a girl who lives in Collingswood who seems nice from the profile, but you never know until you meet them. I have one old lead from a girl I dated, but was not interested. She sent me a message again for some reason. I honestly do not think she remembers. It didn't end bad, there was no chemistry for me is all. I am talking to her in a non-flirtatious manner. I will see what happens.
I did cardio kick class today at 6:30pm and lifted at 4pm. My body is beat but damn I feel great. I look terrific. I know it's only going to keep on getting better. This is awesome. I haven't felt this great about how I looked, since, well, I can't remember.
I start therapy Wednesday. I feel bad because I had to cancel last weeks sessions due to the employment dilemma. The person called me back and is going to let me pay on a when I have it basis. When I get my income tax I will make good on all sessions and I told him that. I am still waiting to see if I can get unemployment. I find out on Friday after an interview.
Let's go Tony, Let's GO!!!
That date I went on was meh. I haven't spoken to her because she hasn't written me either, but I could tell that shew wasn't interested either which is a relief. I do have one new lead with a girl who lives in Collingswood who seems nice from the profile, but you never know until you meet them. I have one old lead from a girl I dated, but was not interested. She sent me a message again for some reason. I honestly do not think she remembers. It didn't end bad, there was no chemistry for me is all. I am talking to her in a non-flirtatious manner. I will see what happens.
I did cardio kick class today at 6:30pm and lifted at 4pm. My body is beat but damn I feel great. I look terrific. I know it's only going to keep on getting better. This is awesome. I haven't felt this great about how I looked, since, well, I can't remember.
I start therapy Wednesday. I feel bad because I had to cancel last weeks sessions due to the employment dilemma. The person called me back and is going to let me pay on a when I have it basis. When I get my income tax I will make good on all sessions and I told him that. I am still waiting to see if I can get unemployment. I find out on Friday after an interview.
Let's go Tony, Let's GO!!!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Hello there
It's been over a week since I became part of the unemployed. I have never been happier. It's not because I am not working. It's because of not doing something I use to hate with a passion. The thing I hate with a passion is retail banking. I know this is just another speed bump in life and I will go over it and I believe that after I am over it, things will be better than before.
I just got back from seeing New Moon with my best friend's wife. It actually was 10 times better than the first one. Some of the sappy parts are a little over the top and honestly make me upchuck a little. I am all about love but that seems to be WAY over the top. Still a good movie, I was surprised.
I have a pseudo date tomorrow. Meeting a girl in Philadelphia just for conversation and to see what happens. I just feel a bit meh about it. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I put so much effort into finding someone that I am out of energy with it. I think this is a good thing though. Might help me focus on what I need to be focusing on.
I start school again on Monday. I can't believe I am excited about this. I miss school. Lol, I think that should make me sad. I can't wait to finish school and finally have a Bachelor's Degree and a career. I need to start rethinking how I do things at a job so I can avoid what happened with the last one. I hate to say it, but no more bending over backwards for people I don't know that well. A lesson learned.
The gym is awesome. I keep getting stronger and thinner by the day. People ask me what my goal is. I think it's to be a good looking corpse. Sounds morbid, but this exercise thing is not a fly by night event. It's a life long pursuit of fixing what I did to myself. I love the clothes I can wear now and I really like how I look in them. I looked in the mirror before I left and smiled. I did this because of how proud I am of what I have done physically. Now I need to look inside myself and smile. Start making those important changes I had planned for this new year.
I just got back from seeing New Moon with my best friend's wife. It actually was 10 times better than the first one. Some of the sappy parts are a little over the top and honestly make me upchuck a little. I am all about love but that seems to be WAY over the top. Still a good movie, I was surprised.
I have a pseudo date tomorrow. Meeting a girl in Philadelphia just for conversation and to see what happens. I just feel a bit meh about it. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I put so much effort into finding someone that I am out of energy with it. I think this is a good thing though. Might help me focus on what I need to be focusing on.
I start school again on Monday. I can't believe I am excited about this. I miss school. Lol, I think that should make me sad. I can't wait to finish school and finally have a Bachelor's Degree and a career. I need to start rethinking how I do things at a job so I can avoid what happened with the last one. I hate to say it, but no more bending over backwards for people I don't know that well. A lesson learned.
The gym is awesome. I keep getting stronger and thinner by the day. People ask me what my goal is. I think it's to be a good looking corpse. Sounds morbid, but this exercise thing is not a fly by night event. It's a life long pursuit of fixing what I did to myself. I love the clothes I can wear now and I really like how I look in them. I looked in the mirror before I left and smiled. I did this because of how proud I am of what I have done physically. Now I need to look inside myself and smile. Start making those important changes I had planned for this new year.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Well, well, well
I have way too many ups and downs. For some reason, I feel calm. I shouldn't though. I have a car payment due 2/12 and rent due 1/31. I will have enough to pay for my car loan, but not enough for rent. It looks like I should be able to get unemployment. Just depends on when it finally goes through.
I may not be able to do therapy at the moment. I won't have enough to pay for my first session which I did finally get a call and made an appointment. I even had to cancel my dentist appointment. As part of my Near Year's resolution I decided to get my teeth fixed and now I can't. I even had planned to take a real vacation as I need one. However, in time I think I will be able to do some things though. Thinking positive was my first thing on my list. I am worried, but still positive.
I think what happened to me bites, but it's a blessing in disguise. I will bounce back from this and I will bounce back better then I was before. I don't want a new Tony. I want a better Tony. I am happy to a degree with who I am. I am not happy with my situation. It's not that bad, but it's not that great. At least I have goals and desire and to be honest I have been achieving my goals. Weight loss and going back to school were two huge things and I did it. I been talking to more people and women in general, especially at the gym. It's paying off though and making my feel good. I got to remember I have been working so hard to get things done and I am getting things done. I have results from my losing weight, going to school with my grades and talking to women and making eye contact. I need not to be afraid.
My next thing on the list I want to do that I didn't add is create a social life. I am lacking in it big time. I don't need tons of money to go out and have a good time. I need a new network of friends. I love the ones I have, but just want a few more.
I am glad this blog post isn't a depressing pile of sob. I am at a huge low right now. I believe that things will work out in the end and I CAN'T GIVE UP!!! I refuse to give up. I will make the corrections and fight to get it back again!!!!!!!
I may not be able to do therapy at the moment. I won't have enough to pay for my first session which I did finally get a call and made an appointment. I even had to cancel my dentist appointment. As part of my Near Year's resolution I decided to get my teeth fixed and now I can't. I even had planned to take a real vacation as I need one. However, in time I think I will be able to do some things though. Thinking positive was my first thing on my list. I am worried, but still positive.
I think what happened to me bites, but it's a blessing in disguise. I will bounce back from this and I will bounce back better then I was before. I don't want a new Tony. I want a better Tony. I am happy to a degree with who I am. I am not happy with my situation. It's not that bad, but it's not that great. At least I have goals and desire and to be honest I have been achieving my goals. Weight loss and going back to school were two huge things and I did it. I been talking to more people and women in general, especially at the gym. It's paying off though and making my feel good. I got to remember I have been working so hard to get things done and I am getting things done. I have results from my losing weight, going to school with my grades and talking to women and making eye contact. I need not to be afraid.
My next thing on the list I want to do that I didn't add is create a social life. I am lacking in it big time. I don't need tons of money to go out and have a good time. I need a new network of friends. I love the ones I have, but just want a few more.
I am glad this blog post isn't a depressing pile of sob. I am at a huge low right now. I believe that things will work out in the end and I CAN'T GIVE UP!!! I refuse to give up. I will make the corrections and fight to get it back again!!!!!!!
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